Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Sexual Abuse

Sexual Abuse

- The Stats
44% of victims are under age 18
80% are under age 30

9.6% of students are targets of educator sexual misconduct sometime during their school career.

In North America, for example, approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children

Every 2 minutes someone is sexually assaulted in the USA, that's about 213, 000 counting the ones who told.

60% of victims never report what happened
this means 15/16 rapists will never spend a day in jail - for rape that is

2/3 of the assaults committed are by someone the victim knows
38% are a friend and or acquaintance
Two-thirds of sex offenders in prisons victimized a child

Research has estimated 10–15% of the general population as having at least one such sexual contact, with less than 2% involving intercourse or attempted intercourse.


1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape).

It is estimated that 1 in 3 women are sexually abused in their lifetime and 1 in 7 for men.
17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape
9 of every 10 rape victims were female in 2003

While about 80% of all victims are white, minorities are somewhat more likely to be attacked.

MEN  : About 3% of American men — or 1 in 33 — have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime

  • In 2003, 1 in every ten rape victims were male.

  • 2.78 million men in the U.S. have been victims of sexual assault or rape


    15% of sexual assault and rape victims are under age 12.
    • 29% are age 12-17.
    • 44% are under age 18.
    • 80% are under age 30.
    • 12-34 are the highest risk years.
    • Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
    7% of girls in grades 5-8 and 12% of girls in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused
    3% of boys grades 5-8 and 5% of boys in grades 9-12 said they had been sexually abused

    93% of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker.
    • 34.2% of attackers were family members.
    • 58.7% were acquaintances.
    • Only 7% of the perpetrators were strangers to the victim
    So now we see all these alarming stats with millions of people, so why is no one talking about it?
    A serious topic that no one seems to want to speak about. First of all what is it?

    Sexual abuse, also referred to as molestation, is the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another. When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called sexual assault. The offender is referred to as a sexual abuser or (often pejoratively) molester. The term also covers any behavior by any adult towards a child to stimulate either the adult or child sexually. When the victim is younger than the age of consent, it is referred to as child sexual abuse.

    There are many types of sexual abuse, including:
    • Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior (rape and sexual assault).
    • Unwanted touching, either of a child or an adult.
    • Sexual kissing, fondling, exposure of genitalia, and voyeurism, exhibitionism and up to sexual assault.
    • Exposing a child to pornography.
    • Saying sexually suggestive statements towards a child (child molestation).
    • Also applies unconsential verbal sexual demands towards an adult.
    • The use of a position of trust to compel otherwise unwanted sexual activity without physical force (or can lead to attempted rape or sexual assault).
    • Incest (see also sexual deviancy).
    • Certain forms of sexual harassment
    • Spousal sexual abuse is a form of domestic violence. When the abuse involves forced sex, it may constitute rape upon the other spouse, depending on the jurisdiction, and may also constitute an assault
    Incest is sexual intercourse between close relatives that is illegal in the jurisdiction where it takes place and/or is socially taboo. The type of sexual activity and the nature of the relationship between people that constitutes a breach of law or social taboo vary with culture and jurisdiction. Some societies consider incest to include only those who live in the same household, or who belong to the same clan or lineage; other societies consider it to include "blood relatives"; other societies further include those related by adoption or marriage- this is for adult incest by the way.

    Incest between adults and those under the age of majority or age of consent is considered a form of child sexual abuse.

    Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation.Forms of child sexual abuse include asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities (regardless of the outcome), indecent exposure of the genitals to a child, displaying pornography to a child, actual sexual contact against a child, physical contact with the child's genitals (except in certain non-sexual contexts such as a medical exam), viewing of the child's genitalia for the purpose of sexual gratification, or using a child to produce child pornography

    So this is the definition, but how do I know if what happened is sexual abuse? What if no touching happened or nothing that I could prove outright?

    Covert incest : (also known as emotional incest or psychic incest) is used by some mental health professionals to describe a relationship between parents and children that is sexualized and expects a child to fulfill adult emotional roles, though without actual incest. Proponents of the concept describe the relationships as harmful and one-sided, and similar to a relationship between adult sexual partners, but without the type of physical contact that would be considered child sexual abuse. Its effects are described as similar to, though less severe than, that of actual incest. The concept has been criticized as an overly broad set of criteria that excessively expands the definition of child sexual abuse.

    OK let's give examples:
    Sexual abuse : Man is touching a woman on the butt or vagina at work.
    Incest: A brother forces another brother to have sex.
    Child sexual abuse: fondling
    Covert incest: Having the son stay home form school to listen to mommy's problems, replacing the partner with the child.

    Most people do not even know what covert incest is and some people do not realize they are victim of it even yet.

    OK so we know what it is and how often it happens , but what now?
    Well let's talk about the side effects if you don't get help...

    What does it do?

    Victims of sexual assault are:

    3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

    6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
    13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
    26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
    4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

    The effects of sexual abuse extend far beyond childhood. Sexual abuse robs children of their childhood and creates a loss of trust, feelings of guilt and self-abusive behavior. It can lead to antisocial behavior, avoidance, depression, identity confusion, loss of self esteem and other serious emotional problems. It can also lead to difficulty with intimate relationships later in life. The sexual victimization of children is ethically and morally wrong. Amnesia for abuse memories, Eating disorders, developing capacities for trust, intimacy, agency and sexuality, poor self-esteem, dissociative and anxiety disorders; general psychological distress and disorders such as somatization, neurosis, chronic pain, sexualized behavior. school/learning problems,  self-destructive behaviour, animal cruelty, crime in adulthood and suicide. Long term negative effects on development leading to repeated or additional victimization in adulthood are also associated with child sexual abuse. In covert incest, an affected individual can experience distress in their personal relationships and sexual relationships in particular. As long as disclosure continues to be a problem for young victims, then fear, suffering, and psychological distress will, like the secret, remain with the victim. These are the most common side effects and mostly vague as to things like shoplifting and having dirty thoughts of the attack , leading to more guilt. When interviewed, convicted (non-family) child molesters say that they chose quiet kids, children who had fewer adults supporting them or whose parents were preoccupied elsewhere. In other words, children who wouldn’t tell, or who had no adult they trusted to tell.

    So this is long term but what do we look for right now?
    Child sexual abuse may cause infections and sexually transmitted diseases. Depending on the age of the child, due to a lack of sufficient vaginal fluid, chances of infections are higher. Vaginitis has also been reported.

    Children who are sexually abused may exhibit behavioral changes, based on their age.
    Children up to age 3 may exhibit:
    • Fear or excessive crying
    • Vomiting
    • Feeding problems
    • Bowel problems
    • Sleep disturbances
    • Failure to thrive
    Children ages 2 to 9 may exhibit:
    • Fear of particular people, places or activities
    • Regression to earlier behaviors such as bed wetting or stranger anxiety
    • Victimization of others
    • Excessive masturbation
    • Feelings of shame or guilt
    • Nightmares or sleep disturbances
    • Withdrawal from family or friends
    • Fear of attack recurring
    • Eating disturbances
    Symptoms of sexual abuse in older children and adolescents include:
    • Depression
    • Nightmares or sleep disturbances
    • Poor school performance
    • Promiscuity
    • Substance abuse
    • Aggression
    • Running away from home
    • Fear of attack recurring
    • Eating disturbances
    • Early pregnancy or marriage
    • Suicidal gestures
    • Anger about being forced into situation beyond one’s control
    • Pseudo-mature behaviors
    Overall sexually abused children may also develop the following:
    • unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature
    • sleep problems or nightmares
    • depression or withdrawal from friends or family
    • seductiveness
    • statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
    • refusal to go to school
    • delinquency/conduct problems
    • secretiveness
    • aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies
    • unusual aggressiveness, or
    • suicidal behavior
    So you know what to look for or can identify? What do you do if a child tells you this is going on?

    What to look for medically like UTI
    Protect your children.
    Teach your children what appropriate sexual behavior is and when to say “no” if someone tries to touch sexual parts of their bodies or touch them in any way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Also, observe your children when they interact with others to see if they are hesitant or particularly uncomfortable around certain adults. It is critical to provide adequate supervision for your children and only leave them in the care of individuals whom you deem safe.

    Support child abuse victims. Children need to know that they can speak openly to a trusted adult and that they will be believed. Children who are victims of sexual abuse should always be reassured that they are not responsible for what has happened to them. Offer encouragement for victims by supporting organizations that help victims of incest or by simply reassuring victims of sexual abuse that they should not feel shame or guilt. It is important to understand that troubled families can be helped and that everyone can play a part in the process. Help make others aware of sexual abuse by arranging for knowledgeable guest speakers to present to your organizations or groups. Encourage your local school board to establish programs to educate both teachers and students about the problem.

    Report, report, report!!! If you suspect sexual abuse and believe a child to be in imminent danger, report it to the local child protective services agency (often called “social services” or “human services”) in your county or state. Professionals who work with children are required by law to report reasonable suspicion of abuse or neglect. Furthermore, in 20 states, citizens who suspect abuse or neglect are required to report it. “Reasonable suspicion” based on objective evidence, which could be firsthand observation or statements made by a parent or child, is all that is needed to report. Remember that you may be the only person in a position to help a child who is being sexually abused.

    1. If the abuse was recent and you have reason to believe there has been physical harm to the child or any physical evidence of the abuse, please take the child to the nearest hospital. Do not wait and don’t let the child change clothes or shower first. Explain to them that having physical evidence of what was done to them can be very helpful to the police, especially if the case goes to trial. Most hospitals have social workers and other trained professionals who will help the child emotionally as well as medical staff trained to take physical evidence in these types of cases. One warning: Please request that someone specifically trained in this process do the physical exam. These exams are emotionally difficult for the child, and unfortunately we have seen untrained medical staff further traumatize sexually abused kids by not knowing what they are doing.
    2. If you believe the child is in ANY danger from the abuser, take the child to your nearest police station. DO NOT WAIT. Although any police officer will assist you, many local police precincts now have a specially trained unit to handle crimes against children. Call your local police station and ask if there is a Sex Crimes or Crimes Against Children Unit. If so, arrange to have yourself and the child met at the Police Station by a member of this unit.
    3. If you are a mandated reporter or anyone besides a parent of the child, either do one of the above, or call your state’s Child Protective Services office. Click below for a State by State directory of Phone Numbers to use to Report Suspected Abuse.
    4. If you’d like someone to talk to and to help you report the abuse, call ChildHelp. Our partner organization, ChildHelp is a national organization that provides crisis assistance and other counseling and referral services. The Childhelp® National Child Abuse Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with professional crisis counselors. All calls are anonymous. Contact them at 1-800-4-A-CHILD. (1-800-422-4453)

    What if I am the child, then what can I do?

    There are lots of reasons why kids sometimes don’t tell a grown-up when they have been molested. Sometimes the kid loves the person who is abusing them. Then it can be confusing to know the right thing to do. Some kids think what happened was somehow their fault.Sometimes kids are scared to tell because the person abusing them has threatened to hurt the kid or the kids’ family. But no matter why kids think they should NOT tell, the truth is: YOU NEED TO TELL AN ADULT IF YOU ARE BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED!

    I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I thought no one would believe me.”
    “I thought it happened to me because I had done something bad.”
    “My dad told me that he had to be my first in order for me to be a grown person. He always told me he did the things he did because he loved me. Then he said that I was not to tell anyone. He told me that he'd give me anything I wanted if I didn’t tell anyone.”
    “I thought they’d be mad that I hadn’t told them when it happened.”
    “Jay used threats to keep me in line so I wouldn't tell on him. He would slap me when I started to cry, and tell me he'd do it again much harder if I didn't shut up. Often times he would pull out knives and threaten to hurt me, so I kept quiet and did as I was told.”

    These are all things that adults use to make you not want to tell along with  loving that person. This person who did this is sick and needs help. If you keep it in , they can't get better.

    You have to tell when what is happening is scaring or hurting you at all. If one person doesn't believe you, tell someone else. Keep telling until someone listens. I know it's painful to tell, but what you're living with is far worse.

    Who to tell?
    A Friend.
    Maybe you have a teacher or guidance counselor at school who you feel comfortable talking to. Or maybe its a friend’s mom?Think about this: which grownup do you feel MOST comfortable talking to? Who do you talk to when things are bothering you? If you can’t think of any grownup you trust, then the best choice is to call the ChildHelp Hotline. The Hotline people are friends of ours who are used to talking to kids who are being abused. Their number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD. If you don’t have a grownup you trust, this is probably the best way to get the abuse stopped.

    Why should I tell?

  • You can be safe from being abused any more.

  • You have a grownup to talk to. That grownup can help you to really understand that what happened was not your fault.

  • Adults can stop the person who sexually abused you from harming any other kids.

  • And…maybe the person who molested you can get help too

  • For kids who have been sexually abused: it's not your fault. You must not keep it a secret no matter how long ago it happened. It won't go away by itself. Tell someone. It's a heavy burden to carry alone. I wish I had been able to tell my family and friends earlier. If I had told someone right away, I could have gotten help. I wouldn’t have felt like no one could understand what I was going through, and I needed to know that I wasn’t alone. Finally, I realized it wasn’t going to work to try to fix everything on my own. I decided it was time to take the burden off my shoulders.

    Well how do I do it?

    This is probably the hardest part. Once you pick the grown-up, just take a deep breath and tell them straight out. We know this part is scary, but it will be easier for you if you just tell them exactly what is happening. Don’t just hint at it. They may not get it. Say something like “Ms. Smith, I need to tell you what my Uncle Charlie did to me last night.” Or “Mom, you know how I never want to stay with that babysitter? Well I need to tell you why.”

    It’s also a good idea to tell that grown-up about this website Help and ask them to come read the part for adults.  If you tell a grown-up and they don’t believe you, or don’t help you, DON’T BE DISCOURAGED. PLEASE tell another grown-up. If you tell a grown-up in your family and they don’t help you, then tell a teacher or your school nurse or your principal. Or you can always call the hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD.

    Books- blue is for younger readers

    Covert incest - Silently Seduced 
    Your child
    Getting Through the Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children
    I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
    Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse
    Psychological Trauma and the Adult Survivor: Theory, Therapy, and Transformation, (Brunner/Mazel Psychosocial Stress Series, No. 21
    The Right Touch: A Read-Aloud Story to Help Prevent Child Sexual Abuse
    Your Body Belongs to You
    Not in Room 204: Breaking the Silence of Abuse
    Sarah's Waterfall: A Healing Story about Sexual Abuse
    Something Happened and I'm Scared to Tell: A Book for Young Victims of Abuse

    The bottom line is that you are not alone, and never will be. Don't give up stay and fight for those that can't. Give thanks that is over and use your misfortunate to educate others. You don't have to take abuse from anyone, it is not worth the life you loose over it. What does not kill you , will only make you stronger.

    Please do not abort the child , there is adoption and God can give gifts through the most painful situations.
    The term survivor is sometimes used for a living victim, even of usually non-fatal harm, to honor and empower the strength of an individual to heal, in particular a living victim of sexual abuse or assault. If I am a survivor then why do I feel so bad? Everyday is a battle, learn how to occupy your mind form these thoughts, seek help, and love anyways. Take it one day at a time. Some will be bad, but others are worth living for afterall how do you know until you try? There are book on how to figure things out. Call a friend or relative. A good book and some icecream works too.

    Links for help and information:
    Stop child abuse
    What is child sexual abuse?
    What is emotional abuse or covert incest?
    graphic- Abuse examples
    Facts for families
    Replacement quiz- covert
    angelman syndrome- a mom's gift out of a bad thing
    This is what abortion does to the one person who will love you no matter what you do- graphic
    abuse on men in church
    city of blaine
    3 boys one girl
    UTI and other findings on your child's body

    Random bookmark: Torrid

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